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My Lord and Heavenly Father,
Have I the privilege of coming in to your presence today?
It seems so long since I have sat with you and savored your presence and hear your words.
Lord, I believe in the sacrifice which cleanses me and allows me to escape the reality of my unworthiness and be seen in your site as He is–holy. I comprehend it. I am persuaded that he is able. Yet my soul knows it’s wretchedness.
I often avoid coming to you with more than an “arrow prayer” because I am afraid. Afraid of what I may find in myself. I am happy with my ways, content with my plans, enjoying my life. I feel good about it…until I see my wretched soul reflected in your righteous face.
But I need to see those things.
I need to be refined like silver. I need polishing and molding.
And Lord, I need a lot of caffeine!
At least, that’s what it feels like. There’s more to do than can ever be done! Just when I feel like I’m getting a handle on it, I hear you calling me, and I’m so afraid you’re going to give me more to work on.
I’m a mess, Lord.
I know I need a lot of work. I’ll get to it; I promise! Just give me a little more time.
Time! There’s never enough of it, is there? God, why didn’t you give me a few more hours in the day? Remember that time when you paused the sun for Joshua? Could we schedule one of those again soon? I’ll put it in my planner.
Then I can catch up on everything.
THEN I can sit and talk with you for days… or at least until I have to cook dinner and switch the laundry over.
Lord, it never ends: the chores, the responsibilities, the relationships, the personal development… There’s always more to do!
Martha, Martha, you are anxious about many things.
SIT WITH ME.
BE STILL IN MY PRESENCE.
Your glory is incomprehensible.
I know that whatever I need or want to do today is trivial compared with my time with you. I know that I need THIS most of all.
Papa God, please accept me as I am: wretched, sinful, sorrowful….just so pitiful.
Erase the world from my soul and draw me again as the soul you created: Joyful, glowing, full of love for you.
My created soul is beautiful!
She’s pink and yellow and free! She dances in the glory of your creation. She is happy and creative. She laughs and brings others in to joyful fellowship.
She takes delight in all your ways.
Let me see myself as her, free from the condemnation of the accuser.
Free in the grace of the Lord.
Let all that I am bring glory to your name.
Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am languishing;
heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled.
My soul also is greatly troubled.”
Depart from me, all you workers of evil,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
Psalm 6 verses 2-3, 8 ESV
The prayer above is an actual excerpt from my prayer journal earlier this year. I’ve chosen to share it with you for two reasons.
- It is unlike most of my prayers. This prayer was so unique, so different from the way I usually pray that I knew it must be Spirit-driven.
- I think you can relate to this feeling.
It seems like the anthem prayer of all of us “Modern Marthas” who are busy and distracted with mile-long To Do lists and never-ending responsibilites. We long for more intimacy with the Lord, but put up resistence to it, too.
I think we could pick this prayer apart and discuss so many aspects of it:
The feelings of unworthiness.
The fear that the Lord would add more for us to work on.
The never-ending task list demanding our attention.
The freedom of being your divinely created self.
Even the way the names for God shifted from some far-off, divine authority “My Lord and Heavenly Father” to an intimate, loving relationship “Papa God.”
(Sometime in my youth, I heard a story about Bible translators attempting to explain the paternal nature of God to some native tribe. The words they had used to translate this idea seemed to fall short until they hit on the phrase: Papa God. The people understood that. The sweetness of those words, the intimacy of relationship that described resonated with my soul. In moments of tenderness, that is how I address my Lord, my Papa God.)
Do you ever feel any of these feelings?
Does any of this resonate with you?
Reach out to me and let me know. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Comment, email me, or join or the conversation in our private Facebook group.
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